


The Lines are Drawn...

by Nevara_Alyss



Series: Reciprocity and Duality [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Murder, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:18:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevara_Alyss/pseuds/Nevara_Alyss





	1. Chapter 1

Three weeks had passed since she'd last seen Fenris. It wasn't something that she took lightly, the flashes of his pain still bled through in her night terrors. Long nights passed slowly as she lay awake in bed, fearful to close her eyes and reconstruct those moments. Anders had made the insipid comment about her trauma as they spoke one day in the park. The casual stroll taking them along a placid lake lined with pink and white cherry trees. It was one of the few times she'd been out under her own strength. While she had physically recovered from her injuries, mentally she was tattered and frayed.

She felt the same way the night she'd killed Quentin. She was grateful to see him dead, but so utterly alone by the loss of her mother. The woman's dead eyes staring up at her, feeling her mother's life force drain away with every word spoken. Through all that her mother saw peace, a peace that Lorelai thought she was never going to attain. How many times had she screwed up and put herself in daunting and horrid positions?

When she finally confronted Anders about her injuries she was floored. She couldn't remember them at all. Certain actions were like she was watching someone else undergo the pain; others were flashes of what could have been the worst nightmare of her life. Nothing could justify it as much as she tried to wrap her head around it. Anders had grown resentful and blamed Fenris for his inaction. Lorelai defended the elf the best she could, but even the best intentions were thrown to the wayside when it came to that argument.

She only acknowledged her wounds when she saw them, still pink and bright as she brushed her hands across them. They were only some of the many she'd gained in her existence, just another line to the story that was hers. Varric had told her that not all stories had to have a happy ending. She agreed with the sentiment and hoped for once in her Maker given life that she'd get something right. She felt like a failure always looking over her shoulder waiting to see that white hair standing behind her; the grin of tenuous amusement that made his penetrating eyes sparkle at the sight of her.

"What are everyone's plans for the day?" Carver asked slamming his wooden mug on the table.

"Depends on what's going on," Lorelai said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "It's always best to err on the side of caution these days."

"Did you finish putting up those wards like you planned?" Varric asked. "Daisy, she did do that, right?"

"Varric, why are you asking me?" Merrill squeaked. "I thought Anders was helping her with that."

"Speaking of Anders, where is he?" Lorelai asked, taking note of the again vacant seat beside her. She pulled her boot strap up and finished wedging her heel into the boot. "This is getting ridiculous."

"That could be said about anything, given that you know how to pick your enemies," Carver grumbled in his cup. His eyes squinted as he watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm not here to argue about that," she sighed. She shook her hair, letting the long black locks fall over her shoulder and to obscure her vision. "Someone must have seen him go or know what he's up to."

"No one knows." Isabela and Carver said in unison.

"He left before you even got up." Carver continued.

"Huh." It was the only response Lorelai could muster. She tucked her hair behind her ear and hugged her brother. "I better be off, can't keep Iudicius waiting. He said he had something to discuss with me about Danarius and Fenris."

Merrill got up at the sound of a pounding on the front door. Lorelai thought it was the possibility of a messenger with her letter from Iudicius about the location of their meeting, but stood corrected when Merrill yelped, "By the Dread Wolf! Fenris, is that you?"

All the housemates turned to Lorelai who darted for the door shaking her head. "Just stay here," she ordered.

Lorelai came up behind Merrill and placed a hand on her shoulder. She nodded for her to leave and stood in the doorway, dumbfounded by the uninvited guests looking up at her. Fenris was at the magister's side, standing there a fresh slit in his lip that still oozed blood and plasma. A large chain attached to his collar was in the hand of Danarius. Varania stood behind him; her eyes to the ground as she shuffled her feet nervously.

"Mistress Hawke," Danarius said. "It's a beautiful morning this day." He looked to the skies and smiling and looked back at her.

"It is," she agreed. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, no. There is nothing that really needs to be attended to." He looked past Lorelai to Carver who was staring angrily at him. "I was wondering how you are feeling this morning. It's been a few weeks since we spoke last. Is there any reason we should delay your studies further?"

"That depends on what you have planned for me," Lorelai said in a hostile tone. She heard Carver get up and she turned to him and shook her head. "There have been a lot of things going on around here," she paused to long enough to spit out the enormous lie she was going to give him. "Some interesting things have come to light for me as well as my family."

"Really, this is good news I take it? Nothing to hold you back anymore from taking my side as my apprentice," he concurred with a slight bow. Varania shook her head disapprovingly and grew still when Danarius looked at her. "Maybe we can continue such lessons today? If that is not a problem with you, my dear." Fenris shifted uncomfortably and looked up at Lorelai.

"If only to learn how to better myself, Master Danarius," she remarked, leaning into the door jamb. She seethed at the thought of him touching her again. She wasn't going to succumb to his trickery again, not for any reason or any cost.

"That's wonderful to hear," he said. He looked around for a moment and his smile melted to an instant frown. "Are these wards?" he asked, rubbing his thumb along the archaic markings carved into the column.

"They are," she answered, glancing at Fenris who was becoming irritable at the discussion.

"Why would you need something like that? Is someone trying to hurt you?" he queried, leaning into her.

"That depends on you actually," she pointed out. She took her small dagger out and Fenris panicked, grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the door. Carver almost jumped out the door at the exchange, yet stopped when Lorelai braced her other arm in front of him. "It's alright," she told him. He took a step back and leaned on the door behind her.

"Fenris." Danarius said in a scolding tone. Fenris looked at Lorelai lost behind his compulsion to protect his master. He methodically let Lorelai loose. She wistfully began to clean under her nails and smirked at Danarius.

"Is he going to be a part of the lessons today?" she asked; her voice was ice cold and contemptuous.

Danarius chuckled loudly and shook his head. "Maybe not today. But if you have use of him he is here to assist you."

"Delightful," Lorelai sneered.

"Varania?" Danarius called to the woman behind him. "Take Fenris around the corner for a moment would you?"

Varania moved slowly and clutched the chain from Danarius's grasp. She yanked on Fenris to move but he turned on her with a leer. She scowled and yanked harder, but he wouldn't budge from his position between Danarius and Lorelai.

"Hey!" Lorelai called to Fenris. He turned back to her. His attention duly drawn on her eyes. She could see the lack of submission as he looked at her. "It's alright. Go." Fenris shook his head objecting to the order.

"I'm sorry, Lorelai," Danarius apologized. He kicked Fenris behind the knee hard. Fenris fell to his hands and knees. Lorelai instinctively went to pick him up but was held back by Carver's arm wrapped around her waist.

"Sister-," he urged in to her ear.

Lorelai became compliant and nodded resentfully. Fenris looked at her with empty eyes as he stood up again.

"Go Fenris," the magister ordered. Fenris glanced at Lorelai; her eyes told him to go and he submitted without hesitation this time.

"Give us a minute, Carver," Lorelai implored without looking at him.

"Are you sure?" Carver argued. He glared at Danarius indignant to the magister or his sister's request.

"Yeah," Lorelai let out slowly.

Carver scoffed at the audacity in her tone. She wasn't sure of herself and he sure as hell didn't trust Danarius. He closed the door in front of him and watched from the window.

He saw the pair talking to each other. Danarius drew closer and stroked Lorelai's cheek. Her head drooped at his touch but slowly rose to meet his eyes. She looked sad to him and it was painful to watch as the man who had violated her, acted so fresh towards her, after being perversely violent with his sister. She stood there and took it, letting him do to her as he pleased. He said something to her and she nodded and pointed in the direction that Varania and Fenris had left in.

Danarius nodded and his face became stern as she argued with him. The man's breathing became forced and he was starting to lose his cool as she laid into him. Danarius grabbed her jaw and pulled her close to her and stared into her eyes. He said something and she felt around for her dagger. Carver's heart raced and he started for the door when he heard 'hmph.' He flung the door open and saw Lorelai standing over Danarius, the dagger in her hand dripped with blood.

"I don't need you," she growled. "You sick son of a bitch, you think I don't know or remember what you did? Who in the Maker's name do you think you are?"

The magister rose, grabbing his arm. "You stupid bitch!" he spat. He looked at his arm watching as the blood ran through his fingers. He called for Fenris to come back to his side. Within seconds he was there, a murderous look shot at Lorelai and at Carver. "Kill them." Danarius ordered as he staggered past the blue emanating elf. Fenris charged them, sword at the ready. Lorelai slammed him into the ground.

Fenris gasped in pain as he rose. "I have to," he uttered with remorse.

"No, you don't," Lorelai insisted. "You don't need to do this and I won't kill you over it."

"Then I'll kill you first." He leapt to his feet and charged again. Lorelai saw the flash of steel from Carver's sword and bolted in between the men. She stared Fenris down, defiantly. Her eyes were blank as he raised the blade to cleave it down upon her head. "I will have my revenge on you."

"Fenris stop," Lorelai ordered. The blade came to a stop at the crown of her head. She was stunned, as was Carver. "I didn't do anything," she stammered.

"Liar!" Fenris sneered. He pulled the blade down her forehead, splitting it in two just millimeters from her brow. He shook with anger and Lorelai continued to stare at him.

"I really hate to have to do this, Fenris." She smacked the blade away with her palm, cutting it along the edge. She showed no concern at the injury, but pointed out the blood that the weapon had drawn. Fenris saw it, blinking rapidly in fear. "I'm not going to hurt you, but-."

"Whatever she did was probably best at this rate," Carver argued, heated at the attempt on his sister's life. "Go back to your master. Whatever he did to you obviously didn't work. He's a failure just as you are. Now leave."

The blue light that emanated from Fenris faded away and he grabbed his head and shook it. He looked around in a daze and stared questioningly at Lorelai. His sword slipped from his grasp and fell to the ground with a clatter. Weakened by the magic used on him, and torn by inalienable feelings, he fell to his knees to gather himself. Carver slowly lowered his weapon and looked at Lorelai. She pulled a scarf out of her pouch and dabbed the blood from the abrasion across her hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Her voice sung of concern as she knelt down and ran her blood stained fingers through his silvery white hair. Fenris nodded approvingly. He looked behind him and saw that the chain that he was bound to wasn't being held any longer. "Would you like to come in?" Her smile was inviting but he shook his head 'no' and adjusted the collar again.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Hawke. Danarius-," he said apologetically. He looked around again for Danarius and sighed. "Will I be seeing you later today?"

"No, Fenris. I don't think so," she said, biting her lip.

"Have I wronged you in some way? Is Danarius angered by you?" he questioned.

"I think he's a little more than that," Carver chirped. Lorelai shot him a look of annoyance and glared. He put his hands up defensively. It was all she needed to get her point across for him to stay out of it.

"You've done nothing wrong, I assure you," Lorelai said. Her eyes graced over his face and those big green eyes and slight childlike features that made her swoon when they first met. The fire that was there before was gone, replaced by this hollow void of nothingness. "But I think at this point our business relationship is at an end."

"That is unfortunate, Mistress," Fenris said sadly. "I would have been honored to serve you."

"After what you let happen to her, I'd say your ability to grasp honor or anything is in question at this point," Anders said as he approached him. Glowering and irate he passed and strolled into the house without another word.

Fenris looked at Lorelai with shame. "I tried, Mistress Hawke."

"Anders. Stay out of it. Leave him alone he didn't do anything," Lorelai snapped, irritated by the title and Anders's interference. Carver turned back to her infuriated by the admission. He knew it all along, but she wouldn't tell him anything about it. She didn't want to worry him-she told him in private. "Just let it go." She turned back to Fenris and closed her eyes. "Don't call me, 'Mistress.' Just go back to your master and try to take care of yourself."

The order was confusing to him. Taking care of himself was an afterthought in his day to day struggles with Danarius. When did he ever have time to himself in the first place? "I'm sorry Mistress, that I wasn't fast enough." He became flustered and leaned down in front of her, his eyes to the ground.

"Oh, Fenris," Lorelai squeeked. She bent down and stroked his cheek while Anders and Carver watched on for any signs of Danarius' return. Her heart broke. The sadness that exuded from him shattered the world around her. There was nothing. The entire universe was inhabited by her and this shadow of a man that she had given her heart to so freely four years before. He looked up at her and she cried mournfully. Her heart sagged heavily with regret. Everything that had been blocked by the ritual left a horrible void in the space between them.

His green eyes sparkled and danced as he watched the emotions pour out of her. She bit her lower lip as she ran her finger across his lips and across the small wound that marked it. He went to grab her hand and hold it and for a split second she saw it. That love and adoration that he'd had for her. If she hadn't been watching him for a response she would have missed it and the fact that she hadn't tormented her even more.

"Mistress?" his thick, husky voice croaked. "Are you sure you're alright?" He looked her over and wiped away her tears. "Why do you cry? Is there something I can do for you?"

"Shhh," she murmured. Her hands fell to her lap. Her bloody tissue balled up and poked through contrasting the deep blue of her robe. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Maker that he'd snap out of it and all of this was a horrible damn dream she would wake from with Fenris sleeping beside her. She opened her eyes and his were still fixated on her. She leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips. He still smelled the same; still tasted the same and the rapture that filled her made her long for more but stopped when Carver tapped her on the shoulder.

The rain had begun to fall again. She hadn't noticed that she was becoming drenched by it. Her eyelashes fluttered as the misty rain hit her face. She looked at Carver who pointed her attention to Varania. She stood, clearing her throat, while Fenris remained on his knees at her feet. Still in shock by the show of affection and kindness she had given him.

Varania approached and looked down at Fenris. "We must go, Fenris." Her hands clasped together in front of her. She looked back at Lorelai, her stringy red hair falling into her face. "Mistress Hawke. I'm sorry this couldn't have worked out any other way."

"Are you going to tell Danarius?" Lorelai asked. Her eyes looked down at Fenris who was looking at her adoringly.

"No," Varania said. "Did you read what he wrote you yet?"

"I haven't," Lorelai said. She felt a soft tug on the hem of her robe and she smiled. The message was all too clear with what he was trying to say. "I will. Don't worry," she said to him. She turned her attention back to Varania. "You should probably go."

Varania nodded in agreement. "Yes." She picked up the heavy leash and patted Fenris on the head. "Come on, Fenris. We don't want to make Master Danarius angry." Fenris slowly rose from his knees, his eyes down cast at Lorelai. His hair dripped from the rain giving his already unnaturally white hair a phosphorescent sheen as it rolled off.

"Take care of him," Lorelai said.

"I will," Varania said as she started to walk towards the small gate. She looked back with a smile. Fenris followed looking back at Lorelai every few feet.

Something stirred in her. Was it regret or pain or the mere thought of having been so close to him for the first time in so long? She couldn't take it anymore. Everything she'd wanted to say to him was rushing past her as the time before he vanished from her sight slipped away.

"Wait!" she called. Fenris and Varania both turned to her as she ran up to him. Her feet splashing in the puddles with every step she took. She pulled Fenris to her and held him. The hard plates of his armor dug into her, but she took it. "No matter the distance between us, I will always love you." She whispered into his ear. She kissed him again. Fenris grunted softly as he put his arms around her, instinctively. She felt his armored fingertips grace her spine and she didn't want the moment to end.

"Mistress Hawke?" Fenris asked pulling away from her slowly. "I-"

"It's alright," she said, taking a step back from him. "I understand." She nodded to Varania who pulled Fenris a little bit before he finally broke his gaze from hers. She watched as they walked away. She wouldn't leave until his scent abandoned her. She turned back to Carver, who had watched the scene with a broken heart for the pain his sister was inflicting upon herself. She came up on to the stoop and followed him in.

Lorelai closed the door behind her and fell back into it. Her head dropped into her hands as she wept. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do. And yet she was doing it again- sending Fenris back into the clutches of that son of a bitch.

"That man is a pompous asshole." Carver told Anders. "And where have you been going every morning?"

"None of your business." Anders retorted. "I'm taking care of something."

"If I had a copper for every time I heard that from you blasted mages we wouldn't need to worry about money. Now would we?" He shot a look to Lorelai and scowled. "And you," he stomped over to her and propped his hand on the door and stared down at her. "How can you possibly defend him after he just tried to kill you?"

"Because it's who she is," Anders interjected. "Wouldn't you do just about anything for the woman you loved?"

The accusing look on Carver's face left him and he paused. "Sister. Whatever happened to you- we will fix it."

"I've pissed off one of the most powerful magisters in Tevinter," Lorelai said. "How do you think we can fix this?"

"You could run," Carver said. His shoulders straightened and he folded his arms defensively.

"No," Lorelai said. "I'm done with running." She pushed passed him and stood at Anders's side. "I came here for a purpose and a vow that I made to myself. Running is not an option." Anders nodded in agreement and held Lorelai's hand. She looked down at it for a second and squeezed it tightly.

"So what's the plan?" Carver asked in a less than amused tone. The same self-absorbed tone that he'd had about the expedition years before.

Lorelai looked at Anders and smiled. "Just because Danarius doesn't need nor want me anymore doesn't mean that another magister isn't looking for an apprentice that can increase his power." She released her grip on Anders and started back for the study. She glanced over her shoulder at the men, her eyes twinkling brightly in the candle light. "Besides a good magister doesn't necessarily mean I would have to retort to blood magic. And for added bonus, if said magister was one that Danarius didn't much care for, it would really get under his skin."

"That's you plan?" Carver snapped.

"You got a better one?" Anders retorted before walking away from the awkward man to his own room.


	2. Chapter 2

Lorelai sat in the comfy chair staring at the dancing flames burning brightly; the fire's erotic and hypnotic waves lapping at the masonry. She took a sip of brandy and sighed. The tears came without thought and she did nothing to dam them from falling. The small slip of paper rested neatly, read and reread on her lap. She was overwhelmed with emotions and doubt. How could she let herself do it?

The words said so much to her that it didn't make sense:

_'I hated you for sending me back. I hated myself for ever letting myself get close to you. You were the one person I trusted and was willing to die for- if you had given me the chance. I fought Danarius all the way back to Tevinter and am now awaiting the end of what I am. Thanks to you, I will no longer remember what it was like to be free._

_I can't blame you for being scared. After everything we had faced and the way I walked out on you, I understand. You did what you thought you had to. I'm more than willing to undertake this ritual now. I really don't want to forget about us, but I know that it is inevitable._

_Varania tells me that if I don't go through with this that it'll be you he comes after. I can't let that happen. Not after all you've done in an attempt to save me from my demons. I can't let him be near you, he is dangerous. As are all magisters. He is the worst however. And as Varania writes this for me now, I can't help but feel that we both earned this in our own right._

_Whatever is to become of you, I hope that my sacrifice is enough to know how regretful I am to have left your side that night. You were the one thing that mattered to me and you still are, no matter the decision. We didn't always agree on things, but damn it, Lorelai, you were the only thing that made life worth living in that dank mansion. I want to keep you safe from him and if I die for it in spirit and mind then it is little consolation to what I had done to you as a whole._

_Forgive me, even though I do not deserve it.'_

"Are you alright?" Anders asked sitting in the chair beside her.

"Fine," she muttered taking a larger drink. She wiped her eyes dry and sighed. She folded up the paper and stuck it back in her pouch as gently as she could as if it were the most sacred document she had ever found.

She felt his eyes on her and she glanced at him. He reached over and wiped away the tear that ran down her cheek. He brushed her soft lips with his thumb and bent closer to her. They stared at one another lost in each other's eyes.

He swept her chin into his hand and leaned into her. He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly. It was electrifying and terrifying in one shot. The taste of him gave her butterflies and she tried to stop but every cell in her told her to let go. His tongue touched hers and it was made all the more climactic when he pulled her out of the chair and held her close to him. His strong chest pressed firmly into hers. She gasped when he pulled away. She couldn't breathe. The air in the room was completely removed and Anders stood there. His eyes flickered with such a longing for her.

She looked away and buried her face into him. She breathed him in. The sheer aroma of sweat and testosterone was enough to drive her over the edge. He caressed her bare shoulder and she grew tense. She shook with anticipation of his touch. He kissed her again harder and with more intent, letting his arms snake around her hips as his leaned into hers. She became panicked by the feelings and clenched her hand shut, forgetting that she still held the glass in her hand, causing it to shatter.

Lorelai looked at the shards of broken glass on the floor and felt the pain and blood flow from her hand. Anders grabbed her hand and plucked the larger shards out of her hand.

"Lorelai, I'm sorry," he said as he pulled out his handkerchief and blotted the blood from her palm.

"What for?" she asked as she winced at the pressure.

Anders looked at her and blinked in shock. "For kissing you...and Fenris...and your hand."

Lorelai smiled and shook her head. "No harm. No foul."

He grabbed her by the wrist and started to pull her towards his room. She struggled and he turned back to her. Her eyes were wild and terrified. Her chest rose and fell rapidly like a scared rabbit ready to bolt. He frowned and nodded. "It's alright." He released her and escorted her to his room.

He sat her in the chair at his small table full of ampoules and herbs and mixed a small concoction. She placed her hand on the table- a small fist around the bloody fabric he'd placed there. He pulled open her small fingers that shook from the pain. Sliding the rag from her unclenched fist he saw the long deep abrasions and frowned again. He looked over Lorelai's face and placed a dollop of the stinging ointment into her hand.

She inhaled sharply as he started to spread it around. He paused and looked at her. She waved him off and pointed at her hand to urge him to continue. He took out a long piece of gauze and wrapped her hand delicately.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Lorelai," Anders started and sighed. He shook his head and looked back at her. She was watching him with curiosity for what he had to say. "Why didn't we-?"

"I don't know," she answered leaning over and kissing him on the forehead. "Maybe in another life perhaps."

"Didn't I use that line on you once?" he grumbled.

"You did," Lorelai said. "And it worked. I can't compete with Justice in this."

"Lorelai, I love you," he muttered softly. Dejected and alone he stood and propped himself against the table. "So much so that I'm willing to help you get Fenris back." Her eyes shot up to his in dismay. "I had my shot and blew it. If my only redemption is to get him back to you so you can be happy, then I will die truly blessed that I had accomplished that."

"Anders, I," Lorelai stammered.

"Don't say anything right now about it," Anders said. "Just know that I will do everything in my power to make it happen."


	3. Chapter 3

In the days following the confrontation with Danarius, Lorelai was renewed and vindicated. She knew that in body and mind he wasn't going to own her. As much as she woke in cold sweats in the middle of the night, heart racing, and eyes full of woe; she had been made whole by thoughts of Fenris, his scent and the kiss that lingered long afterward. She was confused however by the actions of Anders, he saw her display and still she regarded the mage as being selfish and reckless as much as she prided herself on being neutral. The kiss was just that; a kiss. While any faded feelings she had once had for him fell to the wayside at the destruction of the chantry, she knew that regardless he was going to be there for any circumstance- at least in some capacity.

She understood that Anders had a deeply engrained longing for her, but even he had rejected her when the thought of Justice came into play. I'll only break your heart- the words were remorseful and sadly true. How long had he had it planned from the start? Perhaps he was just using her, the pair of them mages, both knowing the others suffering. He- being bound to the Circle; and she being bound to a life of danger that could have ended up in her joining him in the Circle to begin with.

She was grateful for all the sacrifices that her parents and Carver had made to keep her and Bethany safe, but was it really worth the cost? She would have gladly let the Templars take her away if it meant that her family could get out of town with Carver and Bethany in tow. The martyr. Yet, would she even be alive at this point? According to Cullen, the Ferelden Circle had been annulled by the Hero of Ferelden. Whatever events had happened there, had it really require the countless deaths of innocents?

Hero of Ferelden and now queen, it sounded like a fairy tale that her father would tell her when she was a child. It was romantic and empowering still. As much as she hated the idea of the losses that were incurred and looking back on what had occurred at the Gallows- that dark and bloody night would it have ended any differently? Orsino had resorted to blood magic, as Fenris himself had predicted would happen. Feeling trapped- consorting with demons. It was a fool notion, but hindsight proved him right.

She was no different. She had fraternized with a demon in the weeks following her fling with the elf. Her price for power- the blood of the most innocent, the most pure in nature. She hadn't known about it until that moment when the demon had pointed it out as an obvious bargaining chip. All the power that she could ever need at the cost of a creation that was mistakenly made; the elven lass she had executed hadn't been her first sacrifice or victim. Every time she looked at Carver- who saw the empty blackness of her soul, but never questioned the cost at which her powers were incurred- she thought in bouts of anxiety that he knew.

Lorelai pressed her hand to her abdomen at the thought, an empty pit that had been devoid of life and spirit for years had been brought to her in the form of blood. While the abomination she had created had survived to fruition; the pain she endured to bring this life that was now owned before it gave its first breath in this world, seemed unfair.

The secrecy that she had kept from everyone during those arduous months, bound in her armor fastened to almost bursting because she didn't want him to know about it. What would he have said to her if he had known? The news was outrageous and scandalous if her mother found out, and the idea of being doted on because of her condition was one she wouldn't tolerate.

When the time was nigh for the arrival of this spawn created and destroyed by three, she stowed away into the night, leading Anders away from his clinic; sweat beading on her forehead through the twisting pains that grew in intensity.

"Where are we going?" he asked, placing his hand to her back when she curled around her midsection in agony. "What's wrong?"

Her armor still hid the obvious lump from the visible eye. They walked out of the city and towards the coast where no one would hear her scream when the time came. "Not here." She looked around, fighting the urge to cry in agony.

They didn't go far; the walking became more unbearable to stomach the longer she resisted. Her body ached giving her one final warning to stop before the inevitable happened. She stood in the entrance of a cave and dropped the small pack on her shoulder to the ground. Fingers atremble, she loosened the belts from across her midsection and dropped her armor and paused. Incredible waves of pain and urges broke her small mind of its concentration. She grabbed her burgeoning abdomen and braced herself against the wall wincing with each contraction she felt.

"Lorelai." Anders approached her and put his hand on her tracing the enlarged womb she had sheltered from everyone. "Is it time?"

She nodded, unable to maintain the decorum of a strong fighter that she had always exhibited. "How? How-?"

"It's alright, Lorelai." He rotated the small woman and looked down at her. "How far apart?"

"Not very." She groaned, resting her head on Anders' chest as she braced for another one. She felt weak, exhausted by the acrobatics going on in her variably shrinking womb. The slow trickle grew with each flinch the life inside her made, increasing to a slow stream that puddled at her feet. She became embarrassed and confused, wanting it all to end. Anders eased her to the ground propping her head against her armor. "In the pack I think there is everything I need." She grimaced again and felt the pressure sinking lower and lower into her legs.

Anders grabbed the pack and dumped the contents the ground. "You came prepared. Were you planning on doing this on your own?"

Lorelai blew out a long stream of air and silently cried. "Please, Anders," she begged when the pain subsided. "I don't know who to trust with this."

He placed his hand on her stomach and closed his eyes, gauging the frequency of the contractions and how far the small life had slipped down. Warmth filled her, the pain slipped away but the unbelievable pressure remained still lingering in her spine.

"I have to get these off of you," he said, pulling the final belt off from around her waist and sliding her pants down and over her knees.

"Just do it," she muttered, clenching her jaw. He looked down at her; an uncharacteristically nervous smile stretched across his face.

"Are you ready?"


	4. Chapter 4

She was damp; cool, perspiration slid from every pore. Her mind was a haze of hormones, elation and relief with the pain slipping away for the final time. She looked at the waning night sky. The slow streamers, red and bittersweet, stretched off towards the hidden horizon. Salt water mist bombarded the dusty ground. The picture before her couldn't have been painted any better than it was.

A small coo drove her attention to the small bundle of flesh wrapped in a thick blanket huddled in Anders' arms. He stared at it: a fatherly smile across his face. It was a scene she wished she'd shared with Fenris, but for all the sinners in the world, it was one that she bore alone with Anders. She urged him not to tell anyone; it was something that couldn't be ignored, to be sure, but he couldn't know.

Anders looked at her and embraced the weakened woman tightly. Her pale skin feeling the warmth of his body on her skin sent the shiver right from her body.

"It's a boy, Lorelai." He handed the sleeping infant to her. Pulling the small coverlet from the babe's eyes, he flinched and looked at her. The shock of black hair that formed around the crown of his skull made his deeply piercing emerald eyes all the darker. She pressed her lips to his head adoringly and sniffed the newborn scent that drove her to tears. She silently wept for the tiny bundle. "What's wrong?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Anything. What is it?"

"I need to get him as far away from here as possible," she said, pressing her thumb into the tiny square palm. Tiny fingers grasped around her larger digit firmly; refusing to let go.

"Are you going on the run again?"

Lorelai wiped her eyes with her free hand and shuddered. "Do you know anyone who would be willing to take him in? Maybe one of the mage's in the resistance? Someone, just get him out of Kirkwall."

"Are you sure about this Lorelai?" he asked. He grinned at the small face peering up at him. "What about Fenris?"

"He can't know," she answered softly. "It's better if he never knew."

"You can't just cut him out like that. Maybe he'll understand."

"I doubt it at this point."

Anders grew silent, unable to come up with the words to make the situation better. He left Lorelai's side and walked to the edge of the cliff and looked out at the sea of jagged and foreboding rocks. A death sentence for any ship that tried to navigate the treacherous waters- as was pointed out by the equal amounts of broken bows that matched in angle and depth to those that had put them there. Lorelai watched him pick up a rock and chuck it out into the churning waters below. She was torn. This little body that nestled perfectly against her bosom in a dreamy state, who in his own slumber mocked the facial features of his father.

Things were growing too tense in Kirkwall, what with the Qunari and Chantry conflict getting ready to boil over. It was better for him to actually have a life, considering she had already sold it to suit her own gains. Not till he was older, much older, long after she had died. Why hadn't the plan fallen apart in the first place after the bargain had been made?

She listened to the soft wheeze of the baby on her chest and smiled. "Anders," she called, turning her head to see if it had caught his attention. He was gone. She hadn't noticed him leave or if he had done the unthinkable. "Anders!" She stood, wobbly legged in only her chemise, clutching her little one tightly against her. She heard voices not far off from her. One was Anders, that she was sure of, the other was harshly whispering to him. "Anders?"

"It's alright!" he called to her, appearing within seconds from behind the scrub that had bordered the entrance.

"Who was that?"

"One of the city guard doing patrols," he explained uncomfortably. "Told him we were on a date." He waggled his eyebrows playfully. He held his hands out to accept the wee one, excited by the new life that was springing forth from his most prized possession. His face grew serious as he glanced at Lorelai. "You're sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure."

"We should head back then. I have to get in contact with some people before everything happens." Lorelai went to pick up her stuff when she felt his hand on the small of her back. "I'll come back for it. Just grab your armor and belts." She straightened and turned to the baby still sleeping as if the world didn't matter. "Come on. I'll walk you home."


	5. Chapter 5

Within three days, he was gone to some clandestine place. Anders told her it was best that she not know, given the potential danger that could put the child in. He had tried so hard to make it safe in the days leading up to his departure, and Lorelai spent hours in his clinic watching and holding her child. Everyone knew that there was a baby by the end of the last day. Anders had told them that the mother had died in child birth and that he was looking for a reliable couple to take him and raise him well.

Aveline thought it was precious to see those large eyes stare at her, content with the bottle that she nursed him with. Merrill was interested in telling him stories about Fen'harel and singing in elven tongues, lulling the infant to sleep. Lorelai thought it would have been an ideal time for everyone to know who the mother was of this child they fawned over, but every time she gained the courage to open her mouth, Fenris would come with Isabela and Varric in close succession. The elf always hung back, slightly disturbed by the looks of the wiggling small person in the bassinet beside Lorelai. Isabela told him raunchy stories as to how to please a woman for when the time was right for him take on such adventures.

Lorelai protested the language but was shot down by the instant jab of "well, it isn't yours, now is it?"

It shut her up, put her in a hole that she never thought she'd crawl out of. Hours before the mages were to arrive for their pick up, Fenris arrived at the clinic nursing an injury to his upper arm. Lorelai sat, rocking the child, the rumbling of its tummy made her adjust his position and pat him on the back. He couldn't stop staring at it with contempt. Lorelai tried to ignore it with everything she had, but when Anders finished patching up the wound Fenris approached and squatted down to inspect the dozing child more closely.

"He looks familiar."

"Does he?" She started to panic and looked to Anders for help. He was busy talking to one of his assistants at the door, oblivious to the conversation that was taking place.

"Yes." He drew out the word, mulling over the possibilities. "He will make whoever is coming to accept him pleased." Lorelai smiled and closed her eyes, her head resting on the back of the chair. "As long as its mother or father wasn't a mage, then he will have a long and fruitful life." Lorelai grew rigid.

"We can only hope, can't we?" she mocked.

Fenris pulled the quilted blanket down a little more, his finger touching the new flesh of the baby's cheek. He was child-like about it. Curious, concerned, full of wonder. The infant stirred and opened his eyes. A tiny fat hand locked on to his spiked gauntlet. Lorelai watched as he froze and looked at her frantic for her aid. She pried the tiny fingers away, with delicate intent and held Fenris' hand.

"What?"

"Take it off."

He was astounded by the blunt request. Her eyes begged him to oblige the simple appeal without question. For the life of her she couldn't just come out and say, "touch your baby, you idiot." He dropped the heavy fingered glove to the floor and waited for her next demand. She said nothing and led his hand back to the baby's.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Those are spiky, you could cut him." She lied to him and to herself. She wanted to see his reaction. The baby whimpered, chin quivering as it began to cry. Fenris jumped back, his eyes darting from Lorelai and to the baby.

"What did I do?"

Lorelai giggled meekly. "Nothing." She stood, hushing the infant as she picked him up and began pacing the floor. "Do you want to hold him?" He was fixed right there, unable to move. He stood, head unhinged and rapidly shaking his head declining the offer.

"I can't." He looked at his armor and noted that even if he wanted to, the spines of his armor would have caused more harm than good. Lorelai continued circuiting the floor. The small head resting on her shoulder, never taking its eyes off of him with each pass she made.

Fenris took a step back when those deep green eyes stared back at him.

Fenris looked from one side of the clinic to the other and saw Anders standing there watching the pair's discussion. "I have to go," he muttered quickly, before storming from the clinic.

Keeping the forbidden knowledge from use around Fenris was a law that she had put into practice to protect herself. She didn't really need it and would have gladly put her head to the chopping block for his blade to make the killing blow. She was corrupted and tainted worse than Carver could ever be.


	6. Chapter 6

Seven years had passed, the day of his birth sat in her mind. It was inescapable. Every year she wondered where he had went off to and if he was alright. Seven years that had lingered with her melancholy of choices and her own hand in betrayal. It wasn't something that if left unchecked would go away on its own, but sitting across the table from Iudicius was one thing that she had rather waited to do on the anniversary that she had secretly stowed away in her heart and memory.

"So what do you think?" Iudicius asked, looking across the table from her. The dimming light of the candelabra between them twinkled in anticipation of her response. His black eyes looked over her for a reaction and when one didn't arrive he furrowed his brow and stood.

"I think," she started, tapping the table to get him to sit again. "I would love to go."

"This is wonderful," Iudicius said with glee. "You do know that Danarius will be there?"

"I'm well aware."

"Well he shouldn't know it's you; given that it's a masquerade," he stated. "I think this will be a wonderful exercise for him in self-control." He leaned across the table, his voice dropping to a whisper, "As for your apprenticeship to him, I think he might take offense."

Lorelai sat for a moment replaying the final moments that she had with Danarius in front of her home. It was poetic in a sense that while her wounds ran farther than the one she had inflicted on him, the slow fragmentation of his hold on Fenris was far worse. "I'm not his apprentice anymore."

"I thought I heard something to that effect from of the senators the other day." He paused, clearing whatever thoughts he had that were misconstrued from the information that he had overheard. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm still looking for an apprenticeship, and a way to get Fenris back."

"You sure you want to do this then?"

"Which?"

"Both."

"I do."

A door closing drew their attention to Orana and the small child that clung to her skirt, skiddish of Lorelai's presence. Iudicius waved them over with a heartwarming smile. The boy looked at Orana for the answer as to what he should do. She patted him on the head lovingly and led him over to his father. Iudicius plopped the child on his lap, wrapping his arms around him. The boy glanced at Lorelai nervously and buried his face in the magister's chest.

"You can say hello to Lorelai, son," Iudicius indicated with a gently squeeze. Lorelai couldn't take her eyes off the boy. Midnight black hair and piercingly dark eyes peeked out from a sliver of cloth, still attached to his father's robe. Lorelai smiled and childishly waved. The boy didn't bother returning the gesture, just burrowed deeper into the magister's torso. "I'm sorry," he apologized before rubbing his fingers through the child's hair.

"It's not a problem at all," Lorelai remarked, not phased by the child's stare.

"Litatus, she won't hurt you." The boy looked at Iudicius accusingly and argued in arcanum to him. The boy was clearly distressed by Lorelai's sheer existence. The exchange between father and son drove on for several minutes, all the while Lorelai watched them, wondering if that is what her life would have been if she had kept her own child with her.

"I'm sorry, Master," Orana blurted weakly. "I will take him upstairs while you and Mistress Hawke discuss things."

Iudicius nodded and told the boy in arcanum to follow Orana out. He led him by the hand to Orana and patted his back. The magister sat back down with a heavy sigh and shook his head in amusement.

"He's a good kid."

"I have no doubt."

"He hasn't been the same since his mother died a little while back."

"Going through that can be traumatic."

The magister cleared his throat and stood again, holding his hand out to Lorelai. She accepted a small smile on her face as they walked onto a small veranda overlooking a lavish courtyard. The day's light had finally faded away, giving away to the blackened night held together by pinpoints of illumination. The sweet smells of Minrathous were exotic and exquisite, regardless of the fact that it hid so many dirty dealings and horrible secrets.

Lorelai leaned against the railing; her hands gripped it tightly and watched as the moon broke the horizon over the sea. It was entrancing in all its still hidden mysticism. The magister took a sip of wine and placed the pewter goblet on the railing between them. He leaned up against it, his back to the outside world and gleaned what information he could from her face.

"You really want to get him back, don't you?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. The gentle jingle of his medallion hitting his buttons played like music in Lorelai's ears.

"I do," she answered, never taking her eyes off the moon until it had floated completely up into the sky above.

"If you are going to do it, then you are going to need help."

"What do you suggest then?" She looked at Iudicius, her eye brow crooked in curiosity.

"We team up."

Lorelai pivoted on her heels and glared at the magister. "Why would you want to help me? He's your friend."

"There's a lot of things you don't know yet, Mistress Hawke," he started, taking a step towards her. "I have a problem that needs to be remedied and you want what should be rightfully yours. Don't you agree that a partnership would be the best to both of our advantages?"

"Fenris deserves to be free to make his own choices," she snapped, taking a step back.

"He should." The magister took another step and grabbed his wine glass from off the ledge. He took a sip of it and handed it to Lorelai. She shook her head. "You think I don't know what happened when you were last at Danarius' mansion?" Lorelai took another step back and felt the railing start to hit her hips. "The magister- and I use the term loosely- has no idea what he's gotten himself into."

"What do you mean?" Her hand felt the balustrade. Her fingers fumbled with the molding as she watched the magister gain more ground with each step he took.

"My wife was once one of his apprentices. She had been in his service for several years and when he got Fenris back, she couldn't hold back her reaction towards his treatment of his servants and slaves." The magister turned from her, flustered and irritated as the memories flooded back to him.

"What happened?" Lorelai placed her hand on his shoulder, urging him to continue. She felt his fingers trace hers lovingly as if to say he was sorry for the way he was acting out. He held them, gaining peace in her touch. He turned, still maintaining his grip on her middle finger.

"We really don't know what happened. The doctor's couldn't make a diagnosis as to what had caused her death. One minute she was there, the next just-gone."

"You think Danarius had a hand in this?"

"I do. He showed up the day of her funeral to express his condolences, but I'm pretty sure he came to rub it in my face that she was an example of someone who is not to cross him."

"He came to my house yesterday," Lorelai stated.

"I know." He took another sip of wine and handed her the glass again. "He likes to toy with people like that. If it wasn't him then it was Hadriana that loved to torment people."

"We've met."

"I heard that as well." He smirked, as Lorelai took the glass and looked at the black liquid held within. "And as for what you did, I say it wasn't enough. You should have gutted him right there."

"It wouldn't have fixed anything. He has friends in high places. My friends and I are in danger because of what both he and I have done to each other. And I promised myself that I wouldn't let my brother be dragged into another mage war."

"You are a good person Lorelai." He took a step back and fell to one knee. "We need each other in this and if going to this masquerade is the way to start off our plan, then so help me I will do it."

"You're sure about this?" she asked.

"I am. I want to know if he had a hand in my wife's death."

"Then there is no more to say then is there? If we can get Danarius out of the way in general, we'll both find the retribution we both desire." She placed the glass to her lips and sipped the fragrant wine sealing the pact that they had made.

"With you I know we won't fail at this. One way or another it'll all end up alright."

"I hope you're right."

"Gimme sometime to set things up with the senators and I will meet you first thing tomorrow morning to pick out a dress for you."

"You really don't need to do that," she grumbled.

"It's a gift, Lorelai," he snapped. "Nothing more, nothing less. Besides, when Danarius finally sees you, I want him to be completely and utterly jealous that I have you on my arm and not his."

"So I'm just a pawn in all of this?"

"No, not at all." He groaned in exasperation. "We will be seated at his table, Fenris will be there and if you can get him away from there, then you don't have to stay, but it'll give you a larger grasp of the situation when it comes to intrigue here in the Imperium."

"I think it might work."

"That's fair enough for me then."


	7. Chapter 7

Lorelai slept late, her mind wracked with thoughts of liquor induced incoherence. She hadn't drank all that much the previous night, but whether she was more tumultuous at the thought about seeing Fenris again or Danarius was one that was disastrous and she could only see one outcome to the event. Pessimistic at best about her newfound retaliation towards the magister seemed a fitting and yet tragic mindset to be in before anything actually happened.

Iudicius arrived with his small entourage. Holding his son's petite hand through the market, he dodged the various crowds, maintaining a small distance between the curb of the sidewalk and the actual street. They entered a small shop where incense burned heavily with its sandalwood aroma.

A thin woman behind the counter eyed the trio with a smile, awkwardly amused with lackluster joy. Her tired eyes sized up Lorelai before she could say anything.

"What are you looking for?" her Orlesian accented voice trickled. She rounded the counter, tape measure in hand and began circling the mage as if measuring her dimensions on sight.

"Something off the shoulder," the magister stated.

Lorelai looked at him with a playful glance and approved of the suggestion.

"Something festooned with ruffles," Lorelai chimed.

"You can't be serious," Iudicius scoffed.

The tailor lashed the tape around Lorelai's waist, cinching it tight against her small frame. It was a rapid motion that ended as quickly as it had started.

"No," she chuckled. "Something with a fitted bodice and a slight bell to the skirt." She looked down at the woman measuring the length of her legs.

"I think I have something in the back," the woman stated with a sigh. "I just recently got this for one of the magisters but they decided against it." She walked into a small storage room and after several minutes reappeared with a deep red dress. The sanguine dress flowed almost to specification for both Lorelai and the magister who was grinning with exuberance.

"That is beautiful," he said. He picked up the hem to examine the fine black lacing that trimmed it delicately. "Why don't you try it on?"

The two women disappeared behind a screen. The lack of privacy for Lorelai became a sticking point when she felt the woman took her clothes and set them on a shelf behind them.

In the front of the store, she heard Iudicius talking to the child fatherly.

"I want to go home, Papa," the child cried.

"Not just yet. We have one more store to go to."

Lorelai slipped the dress over her head. The itchy black tulle petticoat stuck to her stockings and puffed the soft fabric up sloppily. The seamstress laced her in and flattened the cloth at the back lovingly. Lorelai looked behind her and saw the slight train that swept the floor.

"It fits you well, Mistress," the woman smiled. She walked away again and returned with a pair of black slippers. The moistened leather slid comfortably onto her feet, like they were made for her. "You may show your husband if you wish."

Lorelai's mouth gaped at the implication. She stuck her head from behind the screen and saw the same look on the magister's face.

"He's not her husband," the boy snapped. "She's mean."

The seamstress glanced at Lorelai, who by her very nature remained silent. Iudicius ignored the rude comment and waved her from hiding. Complying with the magister's wishes, Lorelai stepped out from cover and stood in the center of the room. He beamed at her radiance and bowed at her presence.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you."

"How much is it?" he asked the woman.

"For the slippers and dress… fifty sovereigns."

Lorelai frowned and was about to protest the purchase, when Anders and Isabela walked in the store.

"Oh, Hawke," murmured Isabella. "That is beautiful." She approached tracing the fabric to her back. Lorelai stayed with her until she felt a firm smack to her ass, causing her to jump. "You better have a dagger on you at all times," the pirate warned.

Lorelai studied the busty woman for hints of jest- but was met with cold dark eyes.

Isabela circled her way back to Anders, sizing her up with a hungry smile.

Anders watched the fidgeting child in front of him make uneasy eyes at him. His eyebrow crooked, uncertain by the likeness of Lorelai. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He had to be wrong. Coincidence? It had to be. She addressed Anders with a nod and they both left the shop without another word.

"What was that all about?" Iudicius asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "I'll find out when I get back, I guess." Her attention turned to the sound of a hefty coin purse hitting the counter. "You don't have to pay for it. It's too expensive."

"Nonsense," he remarked. "Have it sent to the Mistress' estate by five this evening."


	8. Chapter 8

Lorelai sat in the study watching Isabela fumble with a locked chest she had absconded earlier in the day. The ticking sound that the lock pick made in the tumbler was grating her nerves.

The bandit gasped when a pin locked in place making her work more fervently at her treasure.

"What did you mean by 'I should be wearing a dagger with me at all times'?"

"I just thought I would give you a piece of advice, that's all," Isabela said, not diverting her eyes from the keyhole.

"You don't just give advice that flippantly. What's up?" Lorelai leaned forward in the chair and peered over the tanned woman's shoulder at her work. Isabela's hands were fumbling, but accomplishing nothing. "You can tell me, Isabela."

"It's not like I don't want to tell you."

"What do you mean?" Lorelai eyed the back of her friend's head. "Maker, spit it out!"

"You need to watch Anders," she blurted out in a rapid stream.

Lorelai sat silently at the admission that had fallen into her lap unexpectedly. "What about Anders?"

"He's not acting himself."

"So I should wear a dagger because of it?"

Isabela stood and faced the mage. "There will come a time when you have to decide on what side of the line he is on. The thing with that broody elf was just a single matter. We are still dealing with an abomination with identity issues."

"And?"

"Maker, you can't be that dense."

Lorelai shot up out of the chair at the insult. "I'm not a damn mind reader, Isabela."

"You're right," she agreed, backing down from the confrontation. "Just keep in mind what I said."

She left Lorelai alone, standing in the center of the room, eyes to the floor in thought. She always knew that Anders was trouble. What with the blatant lying and underhanded nature that was his way now. Skulking off at all hours of the night, just to return later with not a word to anyone. He was only that withdrawn really just before…

Lorelai stormed out of the house, not knowing where she was going or what she was looking for. She had to get away. Had to think about what Isabela said, her warning ringing true. Why hadn't she seen it? She felt broadsided by it again. For someone who flippantly threw out the fact they loved someone doesn't give them due credence to stab them in the back because it's something that needed to be done.

She rounded a corner and headed in the direction of the park that she had become so accustomed to frequently when her head spun with thoughts of doubt and self-loathing. There was a peace there, a thoughtful spot where the reality that she lived in drifted away and things actually were alright. It was just the ideal place to let time pass by and let her head clear of the maelstrom of uninformative insight she had floating around in her skull.


	9. Chapter 9

"Isn't it wonderful?" Merrill gushed, as she watched Lorelai finish dressing. She opened the small box on the bed and exposed an exquisitely designed porcelain half-mask. "Oh, Hawke, you look so pretty!"

Lorelai smiled at the compliment and resumed fixing her hair. The gentle ringlets that framed her face fell gracefully at her shoulders. She swept her hair up and pinned it in place- forcing small flowers into her locks as an accent. It was mainly Iudicius' idea, given that it was a Satanalia celebration.

The elven lass hopped off the bed and placed a small sealed container on the vanity.

"What's this?"

"Something I've been working on."

"You don't have to do that, Merrill."

"No, I insist." She opened the pot and exposed a fine white powder within. It shimmered in the candle light giving a hint of blue glow. She pulled the fluffy feather out of the cap and dabbed it into the powder. "Just place it anywhere."

"What's it do?"

"Just accentuates."

She relaxed slightly and accepted it as she patted the talc onto her shoulders, chest and across her neck. She watched as it sparkled when she moved and realized Merrill was right, it was something that would draw people's attention to her.

She finished applying her make-up just in time to hear the weighty knock at the door. Merrill sprang into action to get it, but stopped when Lorelai shook her head and made her way for the door. She grabbed her cloak and clutched it tightly to her chest.

She listened to the hushed whispers from the other room as she passed. She paused to listen, but when the pounding came again, she continued, not making out what the topic of conversation was about. She opened the door; the magister stood there donning his finest threads and already wearing his mask.

"Mistress Hawke."

"Messere."

"Are you ready?"


	10. Chapter 10

hey heard the symphonic music floating on the air long before they arrived. Streams of people stood outside the entrance to the grand hall where the event was taking place. Lorelai slid the half mask on, ebony black with small crystals skirting the rim with loving detail. She felt like a princess- hell she looked like one, according to the passers-by that watched as her handsome magister led her through the doors.

People whispered and pointed in their direction. It was like a dream to her. They were the center of attention to all those who were already seated at their tables.

She explored the room for their table and when she noticed Danarius standing drawing her attention to him. She could already feel him, like he was in her head, beckoning for her to approach.

"Master Danarius, it is a pleasure to see you again," Iudicius stated. He pulled a chair out for Lorelai and sat down next to her.

"And you, as well." He looked over at Lorelai with a leer and sipped his wine. His eyes took their time on her. "Mistress Hawke."

"Danarius." She was expecting to see Fenris standing behind his master, manning his post as bodyguard. He was unfortunately absent from the event, but Varania sat beside her mentor, forking her food all too knowing of what Lorelai's intentions were.

Iudicius put his hand on her thigh and squeezed. He turned to her questioningly at the hard object his hand fell upon. Lorelai ignored it taking a sip of wine and listening to the music as the magisters discussed the daily goings on at the senate. It was frightfully boring to sit through. The music changed to a slower tempo, causing Danarius to stand and approach her.

"If you wouldn't mind, I would like to take your date for a dance." He held his hand out for her to take.

Everything in her head told her to resist the temptation to kill him, take the hand and beat him with it. Yet, she was compelled, willed to do it beyond her own powers of control. She took his hand and was led to the floor. Others were swirling to the waltz of strings. She was dizzy with an overpowering lack of control.

"How are you this evening, Lorelai?"

Her head swiveled up to his, locking eyes on the magister. "I don't know."

"You are looking ravishing this evening." He pulled her closer to him and led her around into the throng of bodies. The heat of all the bodies was staggering and overwhelming for her senses. "I hope you like the dress. I had it specially made for you."

"You."

"Yes, me."

Lorelai pushed off of him. She stormed off and grabbed Varania by the hand, dragging her from the table. "

You. With me. Now." She pointed to Iudicius, beckoning him to follow along as well. They walked down a corridor and stood. The music still wafted in the din of chatter and laughing. "Where's your brother?" Her eyes narrowed on the elf. She stood, shocked by the aggressive tone in her voice. Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. She shoved her up against the wall while Iudicius watched to see if anyone was coming. "Again: where is he?"

"He's still at the mansion," she stammered under the pressure of Lorelai's weight. "Lorelai, please."

"Where?"

"Danarius' chamber."

Lorelai shot a look at the magister and nodded her demand for him to leave. Iudicius acquiesced to the brash request and returned to the dance.

"Does Danarius know?"

"Know what?"

"Everything."

"Mistress Hawke, I don't know what you are talking about."

"You do," she hissed. "Don't give me that innocent of anything and everything."

"Lorelai, if you want to get him, then go get him."

"You know I can't do that."

"There's nothing stopping you from doing it. Danarius is here."

"Why should I trust you? You so very freely gave away the information."

"Because, if you don't take him soon, he'll probably kill him."

Lorelai straightened, her arm dropping to her side. "What do you mean?"

"Danarius is worried that what he did to him wasn't working and he's becoming a liability to him." Lorelai took a step back.

"Do you mean when he attacked him?"

"Yes. Whatever link you have to him, in Danarius' mind, is stronger than anything he could cover up."

"Go."

"Lorelai?"

"Just go." Varania hurried back to the revelry, leaving Loreali screaming on the inside.

Iudicius approached, watching as she pulled her hair down and shook the flowers to the floor.

"I don't know what to do," she told him.

"What do you want to do?"

"Everything in me tells me it's a trap, but it's Fenris and I have to try."

"What do you need from me?"

"Keep Danarius busy, I'm staging a break-in."


	11. Chapter 11

Lorelai knocked on the magister's door. Her eyes narrowed on the grain waiting for an unsuspecting servant to open the door.

With Isabela and Merrill by her side, she knew that she wasn't going alone. Even though her plan was a suicide mission and wasn't going to involve anyone else. She had met them while walking into the house. She told them to stay and still they followed asking her the whole way what her intentions were.

"This is going to be fun," Isabela smirked. "This is better than when we fooled Castillion."

"Quiet," Lorelai snapped.

She heard the scuffling footsteps approach the door. Lorelai gripped the belt of her armor, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Listening to the lock turn on the door and the door turning ajar she kicked and sent the woman behind it to the floor. She grabbed the human by her red hair and dragged her to one of the chairs centered in the room.

"Where's Fenris?" She leaned into the woman, glaring with contempt. "I will warn you: my friend here has no problem killing you if you don't answer this question truthfully."

Isabela drew her blade and stuck it in her face.

"Mistress," the portly woman stuttered. "He's upstairs in the master's chambers."

"Isabela, come with me. Merrill, if she moves, kill her."

The woman was frightened and clung to arm of the chair. Her nails dug into the fabric when the elf leaned on her staff.

The two women marched up the stairs, Lorelai setting an unusually fast pace. They reached the door and turned the knob and it swung open easily. She stepped inside making sure that Isabela remained on watch.

She looked around the room and caught the sound of a chain rattling to her left. Lorelai slammed the door and saw Fenris standing there.

He was surprised to see her. He was bleeding from his arms and the rash of red welts that scattered across his torso glared. They were recent, fresh and open.

"What are you doing here, Mistress Hawke?"

She looked at the shackle around his ankle and yelled for Isabela. The piratess came in, eyes gleaming at the sight of the elf. "Can you get this off?"

"I don't know." She knelt down beside her, examining the lock and shaking her head. She pulled a lock pick from her pouch and began tapping the mechanisms within. She cussed up a storm and threw the pick aside and tried again.

Lorelai stood, her eyes meeting his. "I came to get you."

"Why?"

"Because you don't need to be here." She caressed his face tenderly. The chain rattled again followed by Isabela's "ah-ha". She jumped up and winked at Lorelai.

"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." She left closing the door behind her.

He was standing there; she had him all to herself.

She threw her arms around him, paying special care not to damage him anymore. She felt his fingers run through her hair, letting it slide through his fingers. He tugged her hair gently drawing her attention to his face. He loosened his grip and kissed her, pinning her against the wall like she had been so many years before.

Their tongues danced, tasting the other and yearning for more. She pulled away; a burgeoning fire grew in her.

He led her to the bed and placed her gently down on his master's comforter. She fiddled with her belt, unclasping it and shimmying out of her clothes. He watched as she deftly stripped him and pulled her on top of him.

It was quick and simple; everything had fallen back into place as it should have. Everything was overpowered and driven and forceful. Their two bodies moving in conjunction with each other, pleasuring and desiring, were begging for more. Their soft groans floated into the room, echoing off the walls overshadowing the silence they had fought to maintain. She balled her fists into the blanket as he worked up into a frenzied pace.

She couldn't help it, she wanted it. All of it. Never to end. She stole him once. She could do it again. Sweat beaded on his brow, a grimace of pain and bliss as he released. She panted as the elf fell at her feet. She chuckled uncontrollably and sat up on the bed, pulling up her armor.

"Was that satisfactory, Mistress?"

"Lorelai."

"Mistress?"

"No. Lorelai."

"Lorelai?"

"That's my name." She smirked at his obliviousness. She stood up, holding her hand up for him to grab. He did it under his own power and dressed himself, before returning to his position by the door. "What are you doing?"

"This is where I am to stay."

"No." She pointed to the spot in front of her. "You are to be right here."

"Mistress?"

"Right here."

Fenris walked up to her and waited. Lorelai looked for cuirass of his armor and saw it lying on the armoire. She jumped and grabbed it, handing it to him rapidly. We don't have much time. We have to go."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. You can do anything you want."

"I don't understand."

"I'm freeing you."

"But you want me to come with you?"

"Yes, but not as a slave, Fenris."

"Lorelai! We are out of time!" Isabela called from downstairs. The mage's eyes grew wide at the thought. She lunged for his hand and started to yank him towards the door. He wrenched his hand from hers and stood there glaring.

"Please Fenris," she pleaded.

"I can't."

"Why not?" she yelped.

"I'm trying to protect you. If I'm with you he'll hurt you."

"Don't you get it? He's going to kill you anyway for protecting me."

"Then that's something I'm going to accept."

"Damn it, Fenris!"

"Hawke!" Isabela screamed again.

"Go! I'll take care of him."

Lorelai opened the door. Isabela and Merrill were standing there waiting for her to join them. "Please, Fenris."

"I'm sorry, Mistress."

"I can't leave you like this."

"You must."

"I love you, Fenris. And I'm coming back for you."

"I'll be waiting for that day then." She started to close the door, but stopped when he felt his hand on hers. "Do not leave with tears, Lorelai. Do not weep for me. Promise me that."

"I promise," she sulked. His hand slid from hers, letting her close the door behind her.

She ran down the stairs and the trio of burglars made for the door. They skid to a stop when they saw Danarius, Iudicius and…

"Anders?" Lorelai gasped. "What are you doing here?"

The traitorous apostate was just as shocked. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I told you," Isabela jabbed.

"He just came for a few drinks with a friend," Danarius stated. He walked past Lorelai and shoved her to the floor. She fell to her knees and scowled. Isabela drew her blade and was met with a force push across the room. Merrill hit the magister in the back of the head and was met with the same response as Isabela.

"You son of a bitch," Lorelai snarled. She prepped herself for an attack but Anders stepped in between them.

"Stop, Lorelai," he said.

"This is where you've been going?" she shrieked. Groans from her friends caught her attention. They both rejoined her, staggering and gripping various parts in pain.

"It is."

"Why?" Her eyes flooded with tears in anguish. How could her friend betray this way? This was worse than the lie, worse than the destruction of the Chantry.

"Lorelai, we had our reasons," Iudicius stepped in.

"Fuck you," she grumbled. "But why, Anders? Why?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you."

"That's pretty typical of you these days," Isabela argued.

"Why didn't we see this coming?" Merrill asked.

"We did," Lorelai snapped. "We just didn't want to believe it."

"Come on Lorelai. You are giving me way too little credit."

"Asshole."

"Now, now, Hawke, we have an arrangement that is all," Danarius spoke.

"Fuck your arrangement." She spat at his feet and started for the door. Iudicius stepped in their way blocking their retreat. Lorelai shoved him to the door and forcefully snatched his dagger from his belt and held it to his ribs. "I expected this from Danarius. Hell, I even expected it from Anders- but you-." She shook her head dismayed at the treachery. "You don't want to be my enemy; I will fuck you like a demon never could." She let the blade fall to the floor and continued walking.

"What about your son?" Anders asked, venom running through his words.

"What's he talking about?" Isabela interrogated.

Lorelai hushed and turned around. "What about him?"

"Happy belated birthday, Lorelai." Anders sneered. "Do you still think about him?"

"I do. Every day," she answered. "He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it." She spun around on her heels to leave.

"Don't think about coming home, Anders," Merrill's timid voice warned.

"Don't." They heard Anders say. "Let them go."

Lorelai could feel her companions's eyes on her, questioning the woman and leader they had come to know. She was going to have to tell them, and tonight wasn't exactly the night she had planned to do it.


	12. Chapter 12

Lorelai stood hunched over the table, nails digging into the top. The air in the dining hall was tense. Carver was dumbstruck by his sister's confession. No one knew what to say, let alone Lorelai who had no idea where to go from there. Carver sprang from his chair, letting it topple to the floor as he stormed away.

"Carver," she muttered.

She flopped into the chair with a thud. She knew he had every right to be angry as did everyone else, but the one person who should have been absolutely furious wasn't there. She tried to explain, tried to take it slow, letting her words hit them like cobblestone bricks. It was a lot to take in and not an easy thing to digest after their botched break-in.

The discovery of Anders' betrayal came as little shock to everyone there. They figured already that he was up to something, but with little to no evidence to prove; it was still just speculation. For all they knew he had a lover some place, but apparently they were wrong. Iudicius' part to play was far more spectacular for them to comprehend.  
The door opened up and shut quickly. Lorelai walked in that direction and met Varania in the front hallway.

"What are you doing here?" she bellowed, charging a fireball to sear the woman's flesh to a crisp.

"Please, Lorelai. I didn't know," she yelped.

Isabela, Merrill and Varric stood behind Lorelai waiting for the cue to attack the woman.

"What do you want?" She placed her hands on her hips looking down at the red head. "Is this another message?"

"No, it's your friends'." She paced the floor pulling the ties to her cloak free.

Lorelai's arms fell to her side. "What about them?"

"They tried to free Leto," she told her. "Master Danarius caught them and… and…"

"What! What happened?" Lorelai placed her hands on the elf's shoulders trying to calm the frantic emotions that were slipping out of the small woman.

"You need to get over there." Varania pleaded.

"Where's Carver?" Lorelai asked the others over her shoulder.

"Probably in his room," Isabela answered. "I'll get him." She bolted off, banging on the door and not getting an answer. "He won't come out."

"Damn it," Lorelai muttered. "Varric, stay here and tell my brother what's transpired."

"Be careful, Hawke," Varric responded, tucking Bianca back for safe keeping.

They left; making quick strides towards the magister's mansion. When they arrived the scene was in complete chaos. Guards and Templars had already arrived keeping the general populous at bay. Lorelai approached and met resistance when a Templar put his hand into her chest, stopping her in her tracks.

"You can't go in," he told her with a shake of his head.

"Why the fuck not! I have friends in there," she snapped. The angry mage shoved the man out of the way and met with a hand on her shoulder pulling her back. Isabela raised a dagger and held it just below his chin.

"Now, love, you are going to let her enter and we aren't going to have a problem with it now are we?" She whispered harshly. The other guards took notice and drew their blades in retaliation.

"You have till the count of three to put down your weapon or I'll have them disarm you by force," he warned. Isabela didn't flinch and neither did Lorelai, who without a second thought swept the man's legs out from under him and placed her boot on his throat. She leaned over him as he struggled. She applied more pressure and he choked.

"I have no problem killing you; it wouldn't be the first time I have done that," she spoke, angered by the threats as the fight continued in the mansion. "Now, I have friends in there and I'm going to get them out." The man opened his mouth to protest. In response she added more pressure to his windpipe. "I might be some lowly mage, but I'm sure as shit able to crush your throat under my foot. You do understand that, right?" The man nodded, blinking his blood shot eyes. She nodded for the three women to enter the house and only released the soldier from under her boot when they were well inside. "Thank you."

She entered the house ready for a fight and sure as hell they walked into a maelstrom of broken furniture and blood. Lorelai pointed Isabela to the right and Merrill to the left. She planned on going straight through the middle, right into the eye of the storm. Iudicius flew through the air in her direction. She narrowly dodged the magister and continued marching on. She stood between the two mages, both stopping their intended attacks to see what she had expected to do.

"Stop it," she uttered; her voice dark and ominous as she eyed the two of them. "Anders, back down." She looked around the tattered room finding little to no trace of Fenris at all. "Where is he?" Anders' eyes pointed to the landing upstairs. "Go check your brother out," she ordered Varania without a look. Varania hurried up the stairs to the crumpled heap on the landing.

"Mistress Hawke," Danarius snorted. "What are you doing here?"

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" she questioned.

"I figured it was because you liked the pain," he hissed.

"Lorelai, you need to get out of here," Anders grumbled, rising to his feet; his voice shifting into the more sinister version of Justice.

"No, Anders. Not this time," she fired back. She advanced on the torn man, unable to withhold the pain and throbbing she felt in her skull. She put her hand on his chest, holding his advance. "This isn't your fight." The blue fires subsided and Anders stumbled back. Merrill caught him and started for the door. "Get them out of here," she warned her partners. "Varania," she called up to the elf. "Can he move?"

"I don't know," she answered.

"Hurry up, drag him if you have to," she yelled.

The throbbing in her head became intense and the thoughts that were once hers were replaced by the infernal whisperings of the man leering at her. She staggered toward him, a blank expression upon her face. Her boots scuffed the marble tiles, squeaking along with every step she took.

"That's a good girl," Danarius cooed. He held his arms out and accepted her into his embrace. "You are a hard woman to control, you know that?"

"Lorelai?" Isabela stammered. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing has gotten into her," the magister protested.

"Its mind control," Iudicius explained, wincing through his wounds. He held his side muttering to himself and then continued to watch. A gash across his head, bled heavily. Streams of red inky fluid dripped down his face to the floor.

"We have to stop him," Merrill shrieked. She readied a spell, but Anders smacked her hand down shaking his head at her.

"Don't! You'll hit her too," he insisted. "She's got to fight this herself."

"I could nail him," Isabela argued. She held the tip of her dagger ready to throw it.

"You can't," Anders snapped back.

Danarius looked down at Lorelai, spinning her to face her friends. He sternly placed his hand around her throat and held her close to him. She didn't resist him- just stared blankly not knowing what was going on. She heard groaning from her right and saw just out of the corner of her eye Varania leading Fenris down the stairs. He sheltered his arm that hung unnaturally to his chest.

"My dear Fenris, did you think you could just leave like that?" the magister growled. The elf looked at Lorelai in disbelief. A single tear fell from her eye as he stopped and examined the situation. Danarius swept Lorelai's chin into his palm and kissed her. It was long, hard and without feeling. A test of power to prove to everyone that the magister was now in control of the situation. When he finished he glared at the elf with spite and sneered. "You see, little wolf, even the powerful Champion of Kirkwall can't resist me."

A spark of vengeance rose inside of her. Her feelings of hate and remorse folding into an untamable beast that sprung from the core of her being. Lorelai snapped to and unleashed an aura of dark energy that flung the magister back against a nearby pillar. He slid to the ground, dazed and in shock. Her eyes shined an unnatural shade of silver. "I told you Danarius." She stalked him, her body relaxed ready to strike like a wolf. "Never again." Her voice dropped an octave and reverberated in the eradicated domicile.

She listened to the shocked gasps of her companions as she loomed over him. The magister scooted across the floor in an attempt to flee. She picked him up and tossed him across the room narrowly missing the elven siblings.

"Mistress, stop!" She heard Fenris yell. She wasn't in control anymore. She'd forfeited it. She was no different than what Fenris had blamed for so many misdeeds and feuding socialites of this damn city. He warned her to be careful; warned her that the terrible things that lurked in the dark and the Fade were nothing to mess with. She was no better than Orsino or Grace or Danarius and every fucking magister.

"No, Fenris, it has to end here," she glowered. Her eyes became wet with tears as she struggled with the demons within her. She had all this power at her fingertips to use against her enemies; a power that she didn't want to begin with and was now consuming her very soul with anger and hatred.

"Are you willing to kill him?" Fenris posed to her.

"Yes," she muttered.

She tossed the magister to the center of the room and circled him. Her comrades watched her eye him, sizing up the bleeding semi-conscious man.

"You're not a murderer," Fenris stated. "This isn't you."

"This is who I really am, Fenris. I'm nothing but a demon in human skin. I died a long time ago. Maker, why can't you remember? Why can't you remember?" Danarius looked up at her. His eyes grew wide as she readied a kick to his head. "You aren't supposed to be here. None of us are supposed to be here."

"Mistress?" Fenris questioned.

"No, Fenris." She sulked. "I've fought for you. Fought through my laments, my lies and deceit and this is what I've turned into."

Danarius awoke to Lorelai staring down at him. She cocked her head. The ghost white paleness faintly glowed in the candlelight. He laughed at the sight of her, grabbing his sides as if he was going to split in two. "You can't really think you can beat me do you?"

"Beat you?" She leaned closer to him, inches to his face. "No. But I have no problem kicking your ass now!"

"Maker's breath," Carver yelped. His heavy armor rattling as he started towards her. Anders stepped in front of him. "What happened? Sister, what's happened?"

"She's lost control," Anders tried to explain.

"We have to do something!" Carver argued.

"No! This fight isn't ours," Anders insisted. Carver withdrew his attempts at retrieval and watched his sister glare at the man skitter to standing.

Lorelai slit her wrist and splashed the heavy sanguine fluid across him, slamming him to the floor again. The magister choked and passed out after the third consecutive smack to the tile. Unbeknownst to her, Fenris had closed the gap between them, twirling her around to face him. His armored fingers placed on the sides of her face.

"It's alright, Mistress," he whispered to her. His thumbs wiped away red tears, nicking her supple cheeks causing them to bleed. "It's alright." He pulled her close kissing her cheeks and moving to her lips. She melted and the harsh and demonic exterior faded away.

"It's not alright," she whispered. "I can't let you keep doing this."

"Shhh," his soothing voice breathed. His forehead touched hers. He shuddered and closed his eyes. "You can't fight for me, Mistress. I've already done enough harm to you." He looked her in the eye, sadness and elation intertwined as he peered into her soul.

"No, Fenris, I've done worse," she murmured.

"We don't have time to argue about this. Danarius is going to get up. You need to go," the elf urged. "I can't live knowing he's hurt you again." He picked her wounded arm up running his fingers along the deep gash that ran its fluids into her hand. "Don't do this to yourself anymore. You don't need blood magic."

Lorelai accepted his request. With her acclamation he hugged her. "I don't want to let you go."

"You have to." Within seconds he pushed her to the floor right in front of her friends. She hit the ground with a thud, in a daze and dripping with sweat and blood. "Get her out of here," Fenris ordered.

"No," Lorelai stammered. Carver obliged picking his sister up and hefting her over his shoulder. "No! Put me down!" she screamed. "No! No! No!" She flailed as he started to walk away. "Fenris, don't!" She sobbed, choking on tears, her throat burning under the strain. "He's going to kill him! Maker, Carver, please don't do this!" She kicked the air, landing a few blows into Carver's stomach. He continued moving while taking it in stride.

"I'm sorry, Mistress, I can't let you do this," Fenris sulked. He frowned; his eyes hidden by the swath of white bangs. "Anders, take care of Lorelai."

"Sister," he muttered. "Stop." Lorelai watched as the door shut sheltering the final glances of Fenris.

"Please, Carver, don't let him do this! He can't do it alone!" Her body grew limp, her brother's hand on her back. "I beg of you, Carver, let me save him!"

"Lorelai, hush. There's nothing we can do now," Carver's hoarse voice croaked.

He withheld his emotions, though with minimal results. He'd never seen her like this: a strong powerful woman reduced to nothing but a shadow. Completely decimated and withdrawn from the things that held her sane. They walked past the crowd of onlookers and made their way back home. Lorelai was erratic; filled with bursting emotions of hatred and despair that gushed from the self-inflicted wounds on her wrist.

She watched it drip to the pavement, spattering the shimmering white and tainting it with blackened droplets in the moonlight. She couldn't cry anymore. Her body ached with each breath she took. Her friends' heads hung low, distraught with the impending demise of their friend. Even Anders was saddened as he limped with the magister. There were no words, none that could fix the problems that were incurred in that place. How much more could she lose there? She'd lost everything. There was nothing left to gain from here but more torture and ill feelings.


End file.
